Self-confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s something you build. Like a muscle, it grows with consistent effort, time, and the right mindset. Whether you’re struggling to speak up in meetings, second-guessing your decisions, or feeling stuck in self-doubt, you’re not alone—and the good news is, you can change that.
For many people, especially those managing depression, anxiety, or navigating the world as part of a historically marginalized community, such as the LGBTQ+, Black, and/or Brown communities, self-confidence can feel even harder to access. But no matter where you’re starting from, you have the ability to grow stronger in your self-worth and step into the most confident version of yourself.
In this post, we’re breaking down how to build higher self-confidence step-by-step, using practical strategies, mindset shifts, and powerful habits. Let’s get into it.
What Is Self-Confidence, Really?
Let’s clear up a common myth: self-confidence isn’t arrogance or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s a quiet inner belief that says, “I can handle this.” It’s knowing that, even if you don’t have all the answers, you trust yourself to figure things out.
True confidence is grounded. It’s the ability to take action despite fear. It’s walking into a room and not needing to prove anything, because you’re secure in who you are—even if you’re dealing with anxiety or past experiences that made you feel invisible or small.
Why Do So Many People Struggle with Confidence?
Most of us weren’t taught how to be confident. In fact, for many, especially those who’ve experienced trauma, systemic oppression, or the weight of generational expectations, early experiences may have eroded self-esteem.
If you live with depression, anxiety, or belong to a historically marginalized group like the LGBTQ+, Black, and/or Brown communities, you may have absorbed unspoken (or very loud) messages that told you not to stand out, not to speak up, or that your voice didn’t matter.
But here’s the truth: those messages are lies. Confidence is a skill, and you can learn it at any stage of life. Working with a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ therapy offers a space to reclaim your voice, explore your identity without judgment, and build the inner trust needed to thrive.
Step 1: Build Awareness of Your Inner Dialogue
Your inner dialogue is the foundation of your self-confidence. If you’re constantly saying things like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll probably fail,” you’re programming your brain to doubt you.
This kind of self-talk is common among people living with anxiety or depression—but it can be rewired. Individual therapy can provide the tools and support to help you recognize these patterns and shift them.
Start by noticing:
- What do you say to yourself when something goes wrong?
- Do your thoughts uplift you or tear you down?
- Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself?
Write down those thoughts, and challenge them. Ask:
- Is this true?
- Is this thought helping me?
- Is there a kinder, truer way to see this situation?
You don’t have to lie to yourself with fake positivity—but you can start being more compassionate and honest.
Step 2: Define What Confidence Looks Like For You
Confidence doesn’t look the same for everyone. For one person, it might be starting a podcast. For another, it’s setting boundaries with their family or advocating for mental health support in a workplace that doesn’t understand their experiences.
Many of our core beliefs about confidence form in childhood. Child therapy can help uncover where early messages of self-doubt began, so you can start reshaping them as an adult.
Ask yourself:
- What does the confident version of me do differently?
- How do they speak, carry themselves, or treat themselves?
- What are they no longer tolerating?
Confidence is deeply personal. When you define it for yourself, you make it easier to reach.
Step 3: Take Action (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)
Confidence doesn’t magically appear—it grows when you take aligned action. You can’t think your way into confidence. You have to act your way there.
Start small:
- Speak up in that Zoom meeting.
- Say “no” to something that drains you.
- Apply for the job—even if your anxiety says you’re not ready.
This is especially important if you’ve been made to feel invisible due to your race, gender identity, background, or mental health. Each action becomes a reclamation—of your power, your voice, and your worth.
Step 4: Reframe Failure as Fuel for Growth
Most people fear failure, but failure is just data. And for many people managing depression, the fear of failing can be paralyzing. But here’s the truth:
Confidence doesn’t mean never failing. It means knowing you can bounce back.
Adult therapy provides space to reframe failure—not as proof you’re not good enough, but as evidence of your growth and resilience.
Every time you fall and get back up, you send your brain a message: I’m resilient. I can handle life.
So don’t fear mistakes—embrace them. They’re part of the process.
Step 5: Surround Yourself With Uplifting People
Confidence is contagious. But so is self-doubt.
If your environment is full of people who criticize, gaslight, or downplay your goals, it’s time to evaluate who gets access to your energy.
Instead, seek out:
- Mentors who believe in you.
- Friends who celebrate your wins.
- Online or local communities that understand your lived experiences, especially if you’re navigating mental health struggles as a person of color.
You deserve to be in rooms where your voice matters.
Step 6: Celebrate Every Win (No Matter How Small)
One of the most healing practices, especially for those dealing with anxiety or low mood, is learning to acknowledge your effort.
You got out of bed today? That counts. You made a call you were dreading? That counts too. You stood up for yourself? That’s massive.
Confidence grows when you recognize your own growth. Try keeping a “confidence log” and write down 3 wins daily. You’ll be shocked at how much you’ve accomplished when you actually start tracking it.
Step 7: Prioritize Your Physical and Mental Wellness
Confidence isn’t just in your head—it lives in your body.
If your body is depleted, your mind can’t think clearly. If you’re not sleeping, eating well, or moving your body, it’s easy to spiral into depression or anxiety, both of which can cloud your ability to see your own strength.
Take care of your body:
- Sleep. Rest is productive.
- Hydrate. Fuel yourself with good food.
- Move. Dance, walk, stretch—whatever feels good.
If you’re navigating mental health challenges, therapy or peer support can be transformative. Healing is a journey that builds confidence. Coral Heart Counseling has a variety of therapists who are available and eager to help guide you through the process of enhancing your confidence and self-perception.
Step 8: Choose Self-Compassion Over Perfection
If you’re always waiting to “fix” yourself before feeling worthy, you’ll never feel good enough.
Perfectionism says, “Once I’m flawless, I’ll feel confident.”
Confidence says, “I’m worthy now—even as I evolve.”
For many LGBTQ+, Black, and Brown individuals, perfectionism can come from having to “work twice as hard to get half as far.” But the truth is, you’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to be human.
Black therapy provides a space to unpack these unique pressures, helping you navigate the cultural and societal expectations that may affect your confidence.
Practice self-compassion:
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes.
- Give yourself grace on hard days.
Speak to yourself like someone you love.
Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy, Right Now
You don’t need to be louder, smarter, or more polished to be confident. You just need to start believing in who you already are.
Confidence isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. A choice you make every day, to show up, speak up, and root for yourself.
So take the next step. Even if it’s small. Especially if it’s scary.
And remember: You are not broken. You are becoming.
Receive assistance from one of our compassionate clinicians at Coral Heart Counseling for more guidance on your journey.
If You’re Struggling With Anxiety or Depression...
You’re not alone. Mental health challenges can make confidence feel impossible—but healing is possible. If you’re in a place of darkness, reach out. Talk to a professional, such as therapists at Coral Heart Counseling. Find a community that sees you.
You deserve support. You deserve to feel proud of yourself. You deserve to shine.
