Therapy is often described as a transformative process that helps people heal, grow, and navigate life’s challenges. But if you’re new to therapy, you might wonder: What exactly am I supposed to do in therapy? How can I make the most of it? Therapy isn’t a passive experience—it’s an active, collaborative process that requires effort and engagement. Whether you’re seeking help for mental health struggles, relationship challenges, or personal growth, knowing how to “do therapy” can enhance your experience and outcomes.
Here’s a comprehensive guide to understanding how to engage fully in therapy and make it a rewarding journey of self-discovery and healing.
1. Understand the Purpose of Therapy
Therapy is a space for exploration, healing, and personal growth. It’s not about being “fixed” by your therapist but about gaining tools and insights to better understand yourself and your challenges. Some of the primary goals of therapy include:
Understanding patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Processing difficult emotions and experiences.
Learning coping mechanisms for stress, anxiety, depression, and other challenges.
Improving relationships and communication skills.
Cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion.
Recognizing that therapy is a collaborative effort—with you at the center—sets the foundation for meaningful progress.
2. Be Open and Honest
Therapy works best when you approach it with honesty and vulnerability. Your therapist isn’t there to judge you; they’re there to help you. Being transparent about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences allows your therapist to understand your needs and provide tailored support.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing certain topics, it’s okay to say so. For example:
“I’m finding it hard to talk about this, but I want to try.”
“This topic makes me feel vulnerable, but I think it’s important.”
Therapy is a safe space, and the more open you can be, the more effective it will be.
3. Set Clear Goals
At the beginning of therapy, your therapist may ask you about your goals. These goals act as a roadmap for your sessions and give you a sense of direction. Some examples of therapy goals include:
Managing anxiety or depression.
Healing from past trauma.
Building self-esteem and confidence.
Improving communication in relationships.
Developing healthier coping strategies.
Goals can evolve over time, so don’t be afraid to revisit and adjust them as needed. Collaborate with your therapist to ensure your goals are realistic and aligned with your values.
4. Ask Questions
Therapy isn’t just about answering questions; it’s also about asking them. If you’re curious about a technique your therapist is using or want to understand something better, speak up. Questions like these can deepen your understanding:
“Why do you think I react this way?”
“How does this technique help?”
“What can I do between sessions to work on this?”
Asking questions shows engagement and helps you feel more connected to the process.
5. Embrace Discomfort
Therapy often involves exploring difficult emotions and confronting uncomfortable truths. While this can feel challenging, it’s an essential part of growth. Avoiding discomfort might limit your progress, so try to lean into it with curiosity and compassion.
If you feel overwhelmed, let your therapist know. They can help you process these emotions and create a space that feels manageable and safe.
6. Be Patient with the Process
Change takes time. It’s normal to feel impatient or frustrated if progress seems slow, but therapy isn’t a quick fix. Building trust, uncovering patterns, and implementing new habits requires persistence. Celebrate small wins along the way, like:
Gaining insight into a behavior.
Trying a new coping strategy.
Feeling more comfortable expressing emotions.
Therapy is a journey, and progress often happens in subtle, cumulative ways.
7. Do the Work Outside of Sessions
At Coral Heart Counseling, we let our clients know that what happens between sessions is just as important as what happens during them. Applying what you learn in therapy to your daily life reinforces your progress. Here are some ways to engage outside of sessions:
Practice coping skills: Use techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or grounding exercises.
Reflect: Journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to deepen self-awareness.
Complete assignments: If your therapist gives you homework, make an effort to do it. These tasks are designed to support your growth.
Notice patterns: Pay attention to recurring thoughts, emotions, or situations that come up during the week.
Therapy is most effective when you actively integrate its lessons into your everyday life.
8. Communicate with Your Therapist
A strong therapeutic relationship is built on open communication. If something isn’t working for you—whether it’s a specific approach, the pace of sessions, or the dynamics with your therapist—speak up. For example:
“I’d like to focus more on practical strategies moving forward.”
“I’m not sure I’m connecting with this technique.”
“Can we explore a different way to approach this issue?”
Your therapist wants to meet your needs, and honest feedback helps them tailor their approach to better support you.
9. Recognize and Celebrate Progress
Therapy isn’t just about addressing challenges; it’s also about recognizing growth. Take time to acknowledge the progress you’ve made, whether it’s big or small. Some signs of progress include:
Feeling more confident in handling difficult situations.
Noticing shifts in your thought patterns.
Experiencing improved relationships.
Celebrating progress reinforces your efforts and motivates you to keep going.
10. Be Open to Trying New Approaches
Therapists use a variety of techniques, from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to mindfulness-based practices. Some methods may feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable at first. Keep an open mind and give new approaches a fair chance.
If something doesn’t resonate with you, it’s okay to discuss it with your therapist. Together, you can find strategies that align with your preferences and goals.
11. Prepare for Sessions
Maximize your time in therapy by coming prepared. Consider:
Reflecting on the past week: What challenges or successes stood out?
Identifying topics you want to discuss: Are there specific concerns or questions on your mind?
Bringing notes or journal entries: These can provide valuable context for your therapist.
Preparation ensures that your sessions are focused and productive.
12. Practice Self-Compassion
Therapy can stir up difficult emotions and self-criticism. Treat yourself with kindness and patience as you navigate the process. Remind yourself:
Growth takes time.
It’s okay to have setbacks.
You’re doing the best you can.
Self-compassion creates a supportive internal environment that fosters healing and resilience.
13. Know When to Take a Break
Sometimes, taking a break from therapy can be beneficial. This doesn’t mean giving up but rather pausing to reflect, consolidate progress, or address specific challenges independently. Discuss this with your therapist to ensure it’s the right decision for you.
Final Thoughts
“Doing therapy” is an active, collaborative process that requires honesty, effort, and openness. By engaging fully, setting clear goals, and applying what you learn outside of sessions, you can create meaningful change and achieve your desired outcomes. Remember, therapy is a journey—one that’s deeply personal and uniquely yours. Embrace the process with curiosity and compassion, and trust that growth is always within reach.
